Dating. A huge part of life, and yet, the Bible does not really give any guidelines on the subject. The Bible talks about marriage and family, but how do you get there?
When I was in high school, I was OBSESSED with boys. I was a huge flirt. I’d flirt with any guy that was even the slightest bit cute, funny or popular. I would chase after guys and try my very hardest to get their attention hoping to dazzle them so much they could no longer resist. Pathetic – I know. I always had this “need” to have a boyfriend. If I didn’t have a boyfriend, or at the very least, a guy who seemed interested, I had no self esteem. I had no value without a guy wanting me. Needless to say, I went about dating in every wrong way possible.
Now that I’m an adult, and I believe much more mature, I want to date “the right way”. I no longer “need” a boyfriend. I don’t want to be in a relationship because without one, I have no self worth. I don’t pursue a relationship because I can’t survive without one, now. So, how do you go about dating the “right” way?
I don’t believe in “the one”. I don’t believe that God made me for specifically one man in this world. That belief just does not make any sense to me. Actually, it’s terrifying! If each person in this world had only one person that God intended for them to marry, I don’t believe many people would marry the “right” person. If just one person misses God and marries the “wrong” one, then that affects everyone else! It’s like a domino effect; one person is off and it throws everyone else off, too.
What I’m about to say is my own personal belief. I’m not saying, “thus saith the Lord”, okay? And this is from one single girl to another🙂
It is my own personal belief after much consideration, praying, studying the Word and trial and error that the reason the Bible doesn’t give much direction in the area of dating is because it shouldn’t be a big deal. It should not be a main focus. Now, I’m not saying that the Lord will just drop someone in your lap and you’ll experience love at first sight. I’m saying that we should remain focused on our relationship with God and stepping into His will for our lives. I believe that ultimately we have the final decision. After all, we have the mind of Christ, the same power in us that raised Christ from the dead, the Holy Spirit who is our Helper, the Word of God, and so much more simply by being born again.
“You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in You.” – Isaiah 26:3
“Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established.” – Proverbs 16:3
“For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.” – Romans 8:6
“Keep your heart with all diligence for out of it spring the issues of life.” – Proverbs 4:23
If we just go about life living it for the Lord, and not worry about dating, getting married, and starting a family, but rather, spend time cultivating who we are in Christ, it takes the “pressure” off of us to feel like we have to make it happen. Just enjoy living the life God gave you, spending time building a relationship with God, and follow God’s lead. The Bible says that God will not withhold any good thing from us (Psalm 84:11).
Marriage was originally God’s design anyway. It’s not something we came up with, but like most things, the world has distorted God’s original design. God knew that is was not good for Adam to be alone, so He created a helpmate for him (Genesis 2:18). Notice Adam did not have to go cry to God about it (no condemnation, I’ve cried plenty of times to God). He wasn’t worried or anxious about how, when and where he’d meet someone. He wasn’t writing out lists of what she would be like, what she’d look like, her likes/dislikes, what their relationship would look like, etc. He just spent time in the presence of the Lord, fulfilling the purpose God gave him. God is the same yesterday, today and forever and He’s not a respecter of persons! He doesn’t treat you one way, then someone else a different way. He is a respecter of faith, though, and is creative, so He won’t bring your husband/wife to you in the same way He does someone else.
My point is simply this: If you keep your focus on God, then you won’t be concerned with other things like dating, because at the end of the day, the most important thing is your relationship with God. Just be willing to be obedient to His voice. If you follow God’s lead, He will never steer you wrong.